Aspirations and dreams

Don’t waste your time on me, you’re already a voice inside my head

I've been listening to Blink-182, 5SOS (they’re pop-punk okay?), Green Day, Good Charlotte and Paramore, nowadays, with a splash of fun. and Miniature Tigers. I think I have found my calling. This one lyric from I Miss You has been haunting me. There’s no point trying to make me love you, because I am already in love with you.

It’s so beautiful isn't it? I really like it

I've been doing a lot of writing these past few weeks, trying to deal with a barrage of emotions, just wording it differently. Most of my music is never from experience. I've never sighted someone across a bar, or have my heart broken a million, a million, a million times (quotes from one of my full-lengths). Yet it comes so much more easily to me than writing about what I really feel.

An identity crisis.

I've always been a good girl in pleated skirts and polos. Literally always, I was even a quiet baby. It’s been ingrained that good grades are the only way to success and that I have to push myself to get a profession that is “acceptable”. I always outright refused to do anything with business (seeing how my entire family was in it and they never had much time for me) and wanted to go the vet way (NOTE: This was before I realized how sad a dog’s death was). Over the last few years, I changed my mind. I wanted to be a teacher. A history teacher, no less.

Suffice to say, my parents were shocked.

They begged and pleaded for me to change my mind, showing me how wonderful math and science was especially for someone with a brain like mine. They pooh-poohed the humanities and every  time we went for a PTA, they made a beeline for my math teachers, trying to make them convince me that I was a math child, not for the humanities. They tried convincing me that it was poor pay and what not. I always retaliated with one argument. I’d rather be poor and happy doing what I do than be rich but doing something I hate.

It took nearly 2 years to convince them that I really had a passion for History and teaching, a relatively “normal” profession. But I don’t think I can ever tell them what I've really wanted to do since I was a kid

Song-writing.

Most of you don’t classify my music as ‘real music’ as they are simply fragments of blank verse without a tune for you. And I don’t either. But I have pages and pages and pages of notebooks filled with music that I've written and when I show it to a few select friends, their compliments really light me up. And I really want to consider this as a real profession. I've done my research, I know this is hard, especially since I live where I can’t really write music for local bands, since a) there aren't any and b) I can’t write Hindi or Hindi music. It’s what I really want to do deep down and I know it’s not profitable. I can’t convince my parents to let me take it in IB either (I've taken 2 Group 3’s soo) especially not after the history fiasco

But I can try to succeed on my own

And now, that’s all that matter’s right?

See you whenever.