Aspirations and dreams

Don’t waste your time on me, you’re already a voice inside my head

I've been listening to Blink-182, 5SOS (they’re pop-punk okay?), Green Day, Good Charlotte and Paramore, nowadays, with a splash of fun. and Miniature Tigers. I think I have found my calling. This one lyric from I Miss You has been haunting me. There’s no point trying to make me love you, because I am already in love with you.

It’s so beautiful isn't it? I really like it

I've been doing a lot of writing these past few weeks, trying to deal with a barrage of emotions, just wording it differently. Most of my music is never from experience. I've never sighted someone across a bar, or have my heart broken a million, a million, a million times (quotes from one of my full-lengths). Yet it comes so much more easily to me than writing about what I really feel.

An identity crisis.

I've always been a good girl in pleated skirts and polos. Literally always, I was even a quiet baby. It’s been ingrained that good grades are the only way to success and that I have to push myself to get a profession that is “acceptable”. I always outright refused to do anything with business (seeing how my entire family was in it and they never had much time for me) and wanted to go the vet way (NOTE: This was before I realized how sad a dog’s death was). Over the last few years, I changed my mind. I wanted to be a teacher. A history teacher, no less.

Suffice to say, my parents were shocked.

They begged and pleaded for me to change my mind, showing me how wonderful math and science was especially for someone with a brain like mine. They pooh-poohed the humanities and every  time we went for a PTA, they made a beeline for my math teachers, trying to make them convince me that I was a math child, not for the humanities. They tried convincing me that it was poor pay and what not. I always retaliated with one argument. I’d rather be poor and happy doing what I do than be rich but doing something I hate.

It took nearly 2 years to convince them that I really had a passion for History and teaching, a relatively “normal” profession. But I don’t think I can ever tell them what I've really wanted to do since I was a kid

Song-writing.

Most of you don’t classify my music as ‘real music’ as they are simply fragments of blank verse without a tune for you. And I don’t either. But I have pages and pages and pages of notebooks filled with music that I've written and when I show it to a few select friends, their compliments really light me up. And I really want to consider this as a real profession. I've done my research, I know this is hard, especially since I live where I can’t really write music for local bands, since a) there aren't any and b) I can’t write Hindi or Hindi music. It’s what I really want to do deep down and I know it’s not profitable. I can’t convince my parents to let me take it in IB either (I've taken 2 Group 3’s soo) especially not after the history fiasco

But I can try to succeed on my own

And now, that’s all that matter’s right?

See you whenever.

#artfromscars project

Next time you bring

A knife to your arm

Think that it drives through me

Next time you imagine

Starving yourself 

Imagine me weak from hunger

I know you look in the mirror

And don't see the vision of perfection I do

But you were never made to compete with angels

So don't try and attain that perfection

The fading scars on my arms are a mark of victory

It shows the lack of new ones crisscrossing my veins

It shows that I have been through great pain

And emerged victorious

So I beg of you, let them be

They are painful to look at

But they are memories

A dark form of 

A twisted sphere of art

This poem was written in honour of a project I have started.
It is called the #artfromscars project where people use their scars from painful memories to create beautiful art and change those memories
The scar cannot be covered to show that you have recovered/ are recovering
Please, please, PLEASE do not scar yourself for this. Draw a scar on(like a plain brown line) and use it
Go wild, draw whatever fancies your mind.
Either send it to me at maddydrewe@gmail.com with subject-#artfromscars and I'll post it on Twitter of tweet me with the hashtag #artfromscars at @RhisjustaReject

Recovery

Hi readers,
I'm going through a tough time personally and am planning to take a long hiatus to cope and recover. I'll be back in full force before you know it.
-Historically

Hopeful a helpful link party post.

Looking for more pain in your already bruised from fangirling hearts? http://www.wattpad.com/1311078-the-bad-boy-cupid-%26-me. I'm in love with this story since I relate so much with this girl, Chloe.
New indie bands to obsess about?http://www.seventeen.com/entertainment/indie-bands?click=svn_more#slide-1
Good website for geekery? http://www.themarysue.com/category/movies-and-tv/ (there is more than that, but I was  reading a DW article so...)
Don't know what else to listen to? http://whatthefuckshouldilistentonow.com/
Song that I relate to the most? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUzqAe7QGxs  This song's message is the truth. Also relates to the fanfiction.
Some good books to read?

• Larklight-Phillip Reeve
• 2001: A Space Odyssey-Arthur C Clarke 
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-Douglas Adams
• Toxic #15-Sara Shepard
• Free to Fall-Lauren Miller
• Part of Me-Kat Zhang
• The Secret Life of Lizzie Bennet (not out yet, but soon!)-Bernie Sue
• The Art of Lainey-Paula Stokes
• Wonder-R.J Palacio
• Uglies-Scott Westerfield
• Eleanor and Park-Rainbow Rowell 
• Fangirl-Rainbow Rowell
• The Secrets of Nicholas Flamel-Michael Scott
• Jackie Daydream-Jacqueline Wilson (UPDATE: This has a sequel?!?)

Band I love right now?http://www.5sos.com/rotw-landing-page Didn't think I'd actually say this but I'm sorta obsessed with them.

Like vintage clothing? www.modcloth.com

Person who's been the best right now? Prina Singh. Much supportive.

Best research source which probably no one would use? http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/ Research secret.

Excellent song right now? The one above, this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7MaaEjsRB4 and this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK8Ri0COF1w

Best Pinterest board for SuperWhoLock? http://www.pinterest.com/xxautumnbxx/superwholock/

Best YouTuber who makes bad puns? https://www.youtube.com/user/naveregnide (Evan Edinger backwards by the way)

Don't know what to eat? http://sortedfood.com/

Don't know what to do with your hair (like me)? http://www.cutegirlshairstyles.com/ Works best if you have longer hair, but works with shoulder length sometimes too.

Most inspirational YouTuber(this one's obvious): https://www.youtube.com/user/ItsWayPastMyBedTime

Music you should listen to when it comes out? TRXYE. Because duuuude.

Where you should attempt to be? http://vidcon.com/ *sobs softly in corner*

What other links do you guys need? I'm happy to help!

What do you call a shady place in Italy?

A spaghetto!

See you whenever

This post did not end the way it began.

Okay, so one of my really good friends is obsessed with One Direction. Like how I am with DW or Sherlock etc. Now, I don't really like them loads, just not m, you y kind of music y'know. I don't hate them or something. Getting that out of the way.
But I feel like band fangirls, or musician fangirls get a lot more criticism than us nerd fangirls.
Maybe this is just a personal thing, because no one knows about DW or Sherlock in my parts (uncouth) and the most popular fandom I am a part of is HP. And everyone loves HP. (Ronmione is life, okay?)
I've have, however, personally seen  Directioners, Smilers, Lovatics, Azaleans, J-Cats, Beliebers and so on get a lot of hate from everyone.
I'm curious to know why. They're music can be foot-tappingly catchy, and yeah, some go a bit...overboard... with their love. But why criticize them? Because we like to show love to someone who inspires us? Someone who makes us happy when we are sad? Someone who's mere mention brings a smile to our lips? Yeah, we've probably never met them before, and in someways, maybe that's a good thing.
To explain my point, I'm taking the YouTube fandom as an example (I am a huge part of this fandom, so if I end up insulting the fandom, I'm insulting myself too. Doubly so, because I probably didn't notice it.) Maybe there is a vlogger you like. Someone you truly admire and maybe are in love with. Your walls are covered in their posters. But you've only seen the side they want you to see, their best side. They may have a bad side too, or a vice. But till you meet them, how will you ever know this bad side? Yeah, you might know of this vice, but God. Let them be human. You know that they have faults, but instead of covering up for them or refusing to believe that it is a fault, you look at their brighter side. You may criticize them for their faults, but ultimately you admire them for their positives
It's like that with most fandoms too. If someone ever told me that the first few seasons of DW have kind of crappy fx, I will moan about it with you.
Oy veh, this went in a totally different direction than I expected it to go.

What did the shy pebble wish for?
Just that she was a little boulder.

See you whenever.

David Tennant GIF abuse post (and other things)

" I am a S, S-O, S-O-R-O-R-I-T-Y girl!"

This tune is haunting me in my dreams, I tell you.

Hello there!

Hi David!

As a geeky girl, it seems odd to me that I have a strange affliction (not an imperial affliction har har) to cheesy girl dramas like Sorority Girls. Most of you probably think I spend a majority of my TV time watching Harry Potter, Doctor Who or Sherlock

Ok, fine. Maybe I do.

Strange, innit?

Most of you don't know this either, but I'm normally writing posts at my most creative hour-2 am. Which is erm, right now. I publish them later to give off a normal, non-creepy vibe. Well, not anymore though, is it?

Wise words.

Do any of you here listen to fun. or Panic! at the Disco? Have you seen their videos? 

A bit questionable aren't they?(I'm talking in particular about this fun. video and this P!ATD video)

It's hard explaining to a newbie what they actually mean.

Yes, they mean so, so much, but I can't explain it to you.

It'll probably end up something like this:

The video is like a...

I think that's quite enough of all the David Tennant GIF's for now

Only joking

This was supposed to be an actual meaningful post about something, but I got distracted and started putting David Tennant GIF's and finding opportunities to put them in.

Hello there, I'm Captain Jack Harkness and I'm here to fill an empty hole in your life. [Note to new readers: I usually put a normal joke here. This is a Whovian exclusive joke. Sorry]

Doubly appropriate.

So, come on (or allons-y) the rest of my stupid journey with my blogposts. I've written loads more (not all Doctor Who related, not to worry)

I can't wait to meet an Alonso

See you whenever.

And remember...

*shudders*

She’s All That (Yet So Much More): A Perks of Being a Wallflower analysis on Mary-Elizabeth

An essay we had to write for book club, thought you guys might like to read it.
WARNING: Potential spoilers ahead. Please read the book before proceeding.

 “I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.” As someone who is frequently called weird, this is my go-to response to “Why are so weird?”

It’s easy to shelve people. That kid plays football? Jock. That girl who hides herself in all black? Emo. And anyone who doesn’t fit in these neat little shelves it put under the label “weird”. We don’t get them, their quirks are just so...odd and because everyone else shuns them, we should too. All of us eventually just want to fit in, so we tend to follow what everyone else does. If we don’t, there is “Log Kya Kahenge” and all that.

That is essentially what Perks Of  Being A Wallflower, an amazing, and shall we say, ‘infinite’ piece of literature  is about.A bunch of square pegs in round holes, who simply don’t care about liking the popular music or even remotely fitting in. To the protagonist, Charlie, this comes as second nature. He doesn’t know why (or at least he never reveals it) he is like that, he just is. Similarly his senior friends Sam and Patrick the Nothing, they are spontaneous and crazy and willing to put crazy costumes for the Rocky Horror Picture Show and swing dance in the middle of Homecoming. But I’m not writing to talk about them. I’m writing about Mary, a secondary character and Charlie’s short lived girlfriend.

In my eyes, Mary-Elizabeth’s nature isn’t to stand out. I think she would want to be like another girl, wearing pink and listening to the Top 40.She wants a boyfriend or even just a friend who she can talk to endlessly about anything, which is something she tries to do with Charlie. But she’s subconsciously peer pressured into being weird. Her friends are oddball, so she must be an oddball too. Personally, she pushes it to the limit. She scrambles to find everything that is unique and quirky, and does it.  Pierced to the nines, Buddhist, obsessed with the horror comedy Rocky Horror Picture Show, so much so that she has her magazine Punk Rocky, dedicated to it.and loves to listen to sad, woeful music absolutely no-one has heard of (indie girl bands being her favourite) . Well there are a lot of us too, who love Mary-Elizabeth’s type of songs. Just look at the number of sad love ballads on any teenager’s (including mine) iPod, and it’ll give you a look into how we-today’s teens prefer sad, yet real songs instead of the peppy beats we liked as kids. Mary is also such a feminist, it borders on obscene  She loves to talk round the clock  about her huge plans on college, her views on social issues (on which she stands by quite firmly) and how everything is “overrated” like many people today, who dismiss things if they are too mainstream and remotely popular (I’m looking at you, hipsters) It’s a wonder anyone manages to get in a word edgeways. And Charlie, guided by Sam, is her quiet spectator. She and Charlie and complete opposites, and the way she loves to control Charlie and very proudly presenting him as her boyfriend, we see a crack of insecurity in her tough-girl exterior. 

Mary as a character is someone who I didn’t identify with (I’m more of a Sam) or even like. I’ve seen so many people at school like her. Those who struggle, not to fit in, but to stand out. Those people who act differently against their nature just to make them known for being such a deviant.Personally, Chbosky did a great job of making minor characters like Mary, full, rounded characters (at least in my eyes) instead of giving her a one sided personality like many do. Most don’t realize how minor characters shape a character’s life. How would Harry be without Cho or McGonagall, Katniss be without her faithful sister Prim or Hazel without Issac? They are equally important to be given some sort of base as it is for the main characters.

One might stop to think after this book, what would happen to everyone. What would become of Charlie, Sam and Patrick? And well, what would become of Mary? I don’t really imagine her taking a stereotypical job like a doctor, a teacher, a businesswoman, although, she might “succumb”  to her nature and do just that. Based on what she is now, I predict she would be a head of something abstract like Saving the Blue Whales or something in the music or publishing industry. She is an intellectual however, so I wouldn’t be completely surprised if she heads a debate society/ club. But that’s for her, or rather Chbosky, to decide. If there is anything in Mary that influenced me it is probably her extremely opinionated mindset. I admire people who can stand up for themselves and express what they feel and argue for what they feel is right. I haven’t met a Mary Elizabeth ever, but I can certainly seen the chatterbox ability and the assertiveness in a a few of my friends quiet frequently. I can also say that for a while, I used to be a bit like her, struggling to be different and considering everything “too mainstream” and not doing things for the fear of what people would think. I’m glad I’m over that now

What do skeletons like on top of their mashed potatoes

Grave-y

See you whenever.